the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
