i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
