Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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