The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
