Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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