At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
