We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
