If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
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