Plan B is the new Plan A
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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