So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
