After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
