Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
