You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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