Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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