Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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