Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
