Yo dont text me then not text me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
