Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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