oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
