yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize