life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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