So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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