Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
