so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
