We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i dont even know how to be here
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
