I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
