your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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