That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
