I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
