I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
