Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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