I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
