the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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