How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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