i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
