i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize