Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
