Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
