goodnight i made you a song goodbye
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
