Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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