It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I CAN MOONWALK!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
