my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
