Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
