she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
