Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
