Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
