the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
