the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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