For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
