To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you never un-have a 4some
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
