Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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