Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
