I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
