i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize