I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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