need another drink. this is the easiest way
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
