So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
