they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
