I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
