hotel room ftw
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
