the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My dad is sitting where you rode me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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