I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
