i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
