My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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