it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
