Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
