Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
