he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
