the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
