so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
