I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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