He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
