Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
should my penis look like a turkey
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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