so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
