WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
