apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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