whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he just fucked me for my cheese..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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