who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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