ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
