I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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