I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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