Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
