Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
