High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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