I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
