its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My penis needs a shock collar
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
