My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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