The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
