i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
