I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize