The best revenge is premature balding
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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