Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
