I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
