if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
