so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can you bring me the toilet please
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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