imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
