census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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