Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..

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(541): View more from Oregon

he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.

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(443): View more from Maryland

dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...

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(315): View more from New York

apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.

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(805): View more from California

Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.

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(626): View more from California

I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas

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(618): View more from Illinois

How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?

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