Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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