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• (408): View more from California

  Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding

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• (239): View more from Florida

  Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.

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• (524): View more from

  How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.

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• (209): View more from California

  He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia

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• (818): View more from California

  I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex

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• (386): View more from Florida

  He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.

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