Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize