Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
