he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
