I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
