Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
