booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize