I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
